i love accidental penises.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
