Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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