You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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