He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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