I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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