I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
