I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
