I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
