She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize
