My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
