So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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