sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
