If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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