Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
