Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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