Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
