I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
