I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
