dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
