it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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