My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
