Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
