i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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