How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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