whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
