Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
