i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
