dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
