I CAN MOONWALK!
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I skipped work to stalk him.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
