Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
