Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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