You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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