My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
