Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
