The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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