Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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