you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
