There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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