You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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