no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
