just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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