mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
