I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
