I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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