I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
