I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
