Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
