I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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