literally had 100 drinks last night.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
