i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
We got so high we made milksteak
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
