If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
