A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
