she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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